Five of the worst arcade sticks known to man

There's this hilarious thread over on SRK that shows a bunch of terrible-looking sticks from back in the day.  I'm so used to nice looking sticks and custom art, that it never occured to me just how terrible sticks from the 16-bit era were.  Well, I did have an idea of how bad they used to be, but I guess ten, fifteen odd years later they don't seem as hot as they might've been.  These designs are just God-awful.

Here's five hilarious joysticks from the thread:

The XCM Dominator Joystick

I nicknamed this one the "Ghostrider" because this doesn't belong in your living room — it belongs on the streets!  I can totally see some dudes just coasting up and down the street in their lowrider mobiles, playing Mortal Kombat with their homies while drinking a forty.  You're almost guaranteed to never lose this stick…well…if it's plugged in, anyway.

The Quasimoto Axis-2 1P Analog Stick

Of all the arcade fighting sticks I've seen, there's never been one that included two analog sticks in the middle.  I can't even think of a game that even uses one!  And what's the deal with the three buttons underneath the joystick?  Was this made for someone with three arms or something?  The HAPP parts are fine and all, but I can't fathom what in the hell the maker was thinking when they produced this monstrosity.  Maybe it's called Quasimoto because only Quasimoto himself would be stupid enough to buy this stick.

The Soul Calibur II Universal Arcade Stick

Somewhere in the world, a kitten is dead.  That's what happens when you buy one of these awful contraptions.  Just look at that thing!  It's got like, leather skinned from a cat on it as an armrest!  And why is it in two pieces?  Couldn't they afford to put it all on one board, instead of attaching it at the hip like some Godforsaken Frankenstein?  At least they got the next iteration down fine.  Were they going for the avant garde trophy for joystick design?  Geebus!

The V. Tech V. Smile Joystick

Okay, this one isn't real but it made me chuckle.  The V. Smile joystick is really for the Leapfrog edutainment series, designed for children.  But I can also see tons of XBox live kiddies flowcharting it up with this easy to use macro stick with built in dp button.  You really don't need any other button if you're using Ken anyway, so I dunno what's the point for having four more additional buttons up top.  Hell, you don't even need a joystick, son!  Mash that dp!

The Overline Wii Shaft

I don't think I need to say anymore, but I'll write a little bit anyway.  The Wii already has a Hori stick controller which (if you haven't bought already) is probably the best joystick on the market.  But if you prefer something a bit smaller to get that classic arcade feel, nothing beats the shaft.  I mean, this stick takes a beating.  You can beat on the shaft all you want, but it'll always remain super smooth and responsive and…stuff.  Okay, okay, I really don't know anything at all about this stick — I'm just adding it in here for the obvious double entendre and ridiculous market name.  Even the commercial for this thing is utterly ridiculous.

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March 2010
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